Japan's Dating Services Extremely Short of Eligible Men?! - Prearranged Marriages Making a Comeback in Japan!?

Yesterday I had a meeting with a couple of the top executives from Recruit corporation of Japan. One of the guys is the president of a Recruit subsidiary company. He introduced me to a young guy who he said is one of their top salesmen.

(Gratuitous use of cheesecake photo) Whatever she's selling, I'm buying!

Recruit is one of the biggest and most famous companies in Japan and specializes in Human Resources and job searches. If you go to any train, or subway station, in Japan you'll see tons of free magazines and papers. It's a pretty sure bet that most of those are Recruit owned publications.


For the fiscal year ending in March 2011, Recruit had over $97 million (USD) in annual sales (which is a 30% drop from the year earlier) so "one of their top salesmen" is making tons of money for them and is no joke. The guy is now being groomed for a top management position. So he was brought to our meeting to see how to steal our information.


He was telling me that, in one of their profitable businesses, dating services and online dating, there is a huge shortage of available men! I was dumbfounded.

Girls like this are having trouble getting guys to their parties???

He said that, "...at most events there will be about 300 people. Seventy percent are women. Sometimes the breakdown of percentages is so bad that I had to go and participate as one of the eligible men..." WTF!!!????


Actually, it is okay that he participated as an eligible bachelor because he's not married (hell, I'd be stoked if a top salesman at Recruit married my daughter! The guy makes huge bucks!) but it really surprises me that they can't get enough men to join these dating parties! He also told me that they've been trying all sorts of promotions to get more men and that it was one of the biggest challenges to that businesses' future success.


A room full of beautiful and available Japanese girls and they can't get enough men to come to the party? You kiddin' me? I thought he must have been joking or that was a temporary problem but it isn't it seems.

Yes. Marriage should be a deeply religious experience... Holy!

Seriously, guys, Japanese women are having a problem finding enough eligible and suitable men to get hitched to. Unreal! This country has so many beautiful and sexy women that it's hard to comprehend but true! 

Need proof? Well, I have it for you. It seems that the old Japanese tradition of pre-arranged marriages has made a comeback and that's okay with me. Why? Well, my third marriage was arranged! Really! I was so drunk all the time back then that don't know how my marriage got arranged but my wife just told me where to be at what time. And when I got there, it was all set up.

The Telegraph UK has a report about the comeback of these marriages in Arranged Marriages Make a Comeback in Japan:

Until 1945 they were almost universal. They started to decline during the post war American occupation, but as late as 1960 it is estimated that 70 per cent of weddings were arranged. 

Westernisation and the increasing independence of women led to a marked decline. By 1990 the proportion of arranged marriages is thought to have fallen to around 30 per cent of the total.

But things changed in the after a swathe of the country was devastated by the tsunami and earthquake.

"People felt so lonely in the big cities," said Sasaki Akiko, a tour guide. "After the earthquake, there was no public transportation and people had to walk up to 10 hours to get home." It was a time for reflection. "Many felt that if they died nobody would care, so they thought they should marry." With arranged marriages back up to 40 per cent, business has been brisk for photo studios, who prepare the portfolios which are shown to potential suitors.

Women pose in a kimono and also in informal attire; men wear a suit and tie as well as dressing down for the other picture. Anxious parents then circulate the portfolio, which also sets out the youngsters' interests and prospects, to work colleagues, friends and neighbors. Once a meeting is arranged the couple are normally accompanied by their mothers who act as chaperones.

Polite small talk is the order of the day. Afterwards it is a case of comparing notes to see if there are grounds for pursuing matters further.

At this point a professional go-between could get involved although they are scarcer now than a few decades ago.

Arranged marriages may appear anathema to westerners but, according to Ms Akiko, the divorce rate is lower than that for more modern partnerships.

"With an arranged marriage, you go into it with both eyes open, with love you always have one eye closed."

Seriously. Only in Japan, eh? This isn't the first time that I've heard that the divorce rate for prearranged marriages is lower than regular marriages, but wow!


My two older daughters aren't married... Maybe if they don't get married by 35, daddy (that's me) will have to arrange marriage for them...


I wonder if that Recruit salesman will still be available in a few years? He would be a great candidate... After all, it would be nice to have someone in the family who is making some money... Daddy (that's me) certainly isn't!

Facebook Loss of Privacy Really Out of Hand! Woman finds her husband has another wife on Facebook!

"Facebook says, 'Privacy is theft,' because they're selling your lack of privacy to the advertisers who might show up one day." - Jaron Lanier

Well, the articles that will make one really want to start thinking about deleting their Facebook account are coming hard and fast. This time, a married woman finds out her husband has another wife through Facebook!

The same thing happened in the sixties! Just that word got out a different way.

What did I tell you about idiots putting too much information up on the internet and Facebook? Like that lady who killed the endangered species polar bear then placed the phot up on the Internet for everyone to see? Talk about dumb! This guy might even be worse!


Washington radio station WLFI reports:

Facebook 'friend' offer exposes man's other wife

TACOMA, Wash. (AP) — Facebook's automatic efforts to connect user through "friends" they may know recently led two Washington women to find out they were married to the same man, at the same time.

That led to the man, corrections officer Alan L. O'Neill, being slapped with bigamy charges.

According to charging documents filed Thursday, O'Neill married a woman in 2001, moved out in 2009, changed his name and remarried without divorcing her. The first wife first noticed O'Neill had moved on to another woman when Facebook suggested the friendship connection to wife No. 2 under the "People You May Know" feature.

"Wife No. 1 went to wife No. 2's page and saw a picture of her and her husband with a wedding cake," said Pierce County Prosecutor Mark Lindquist told The Associated Press.

If that were my spouse? Why, yes! I would politely inquire what this was all about!

Wife No. 1 then called the defendant's mother.

"An hour later the defendant arrived at (Wife No. 1's) apartment, and she asked him several times if they were divorced," court records show. "The defendant said, 'No, we are still married.'"

Neither O'Neill nor his first wife had filed for divorce, according to charging documents. The name change came in December, and later that month he married his second wife.

O'Neill allegedly told Wife No. 1 not to tell anybody about his dual marriages, that he would fix it, the documents state. But wife No. 1 alerted authorities.

"Facebook is now some place where people discover things about each other that end up reporting that to law enforcement," Lindquist said.

O'Neill, 41, was previously known at Alan Fulk. He has worked as a Pierce County corrections officer for five years, sheriff's spokesman Ed Troyer said. He was placed on administrative leave after prosecutors charged him Thursday. He could face up to a year in jail if convicted.

His name is Alan Fulk? Well, I guess he Fulked up! Yuk! Yuk! Yuk!

Junior high school grade jokes aside, I think one year in jail is far too severe. This guy obviously has some sort of mental problem as one has to wonder, "Why in the world would he want two wives? Isn't one enough trouble as it is?" As Jerry Lee Lewis would counter: "Well, since I wasn't really married to my first wife then I didn't need a divorce!" Or some sort of twisted logic like that...

Seriously, I predict that something is going to come along that is like Facebook excepting it is more protective of your privacy (a friend recommended "Anonymousbook") and also really confines who your "friends" can be. 

Facebook spreads a much too broad of a net. There's got to be something very wrong with a site that gives away all your private information to 5,000 people, or more so easily.

Think I could start a "FREE ALAN FULK" scam charity like Kony 2012 and pay myself massive bonuses too?

Killing Butterflies (and Suffocating the One You Love)

To my lovely dear daughter, Sheena....


I'd like to talk to you all about why people take things of beauty and destroy them by putting them in cages.


When I was a 7 or 8 year old boy, a second-grader, and living in the country in Minnesota, my school class gave us the assignment to capture butterflies and bring them to school for some sort of Science class experiment. 


One of the neighborhood girls, and a classmate of mine, Paula Nelson, and I went out to capture butterflies together. Paula was a nice girl but I didn't have a crush on her like I did with some of the other girls in class.


While chasing butterflies together, we spied a large yellow beauty fluttering about the roof of my house. The butterfly lit upon the rain drainage pipes. I gathered a ladder and started to climb up in order to capture the butterfly with my net.

As I climbed, Paula started chanting, "Mike! You can do it! You can do it!" I began to swell with pride and because of this cheering began to to develop a real liking for Paula... 


Everyone wants to feel important and Paula did that for me at the time. I will never forget how I felt at that moment. Someone was truly cheering for me! I was so happy! Even though I was but a small boy, I will never forget Paula for making me feel so good about myself. I have thought about her many times over the years. I hope she found a true soul-mate and is truly happy! Thank you Paula!


In a way, capturing a butterfly and making it "mine" is also a way for children to increase their personal worth and add to their lives "treasures."


But I digress...


I neared the butterfly slowly and took up my net. Paula continued chanting. I swatted my net down upon the beautiful butterfly and... It escaped and fluttered away.


I felt defeated for a moment and felt that I had let Paula down.


A few days later, back at school, I viewed all the captured butterflies the other children brought into the classroom laying dead, side by side, in a row. Some kids had very many of them. I had failed to catch even one. As I viewed the butterflies, it dawned on me that dead butterflies were not beautiful but were actually trash.


All those wings of grace and color and dreams lying there were like a pile of old and dirty crayons: cold, lifeless and used up. Of no use to anyone or anything.  


Simply garbage.

The butterflies flying in the blue skies are actually a miracle of grace and give us, children and adults, dreams... Dreams of flying over the mountains and clouds. Dreams of being who we've always wanted to be! 


The butterflies laying still and lifeless in a cage give us death and dispair. 


For the first time in my life, I was glad that I didn't catch any of those poor butterflies. I wished I had had a time machine and could help all those dead butterflies go back in time where I could have prevented their capture and set them free.


I will never forget that experience.


When my lovely second daughter, Sheena, was a small girl of seven and a second-grader, she and her friends had some nets and were out catching butterflies in the neighborhood near Yokohama. To my great surprise they caught a very many of them and put them in a plastic, see-through clear box that had holes in the top. Even though the box was designed for insects, the holes were so small the butterflies suffocated and died....


The children had so merry a time a capturing these creatures... They were so happy that they brought the butterflies to me for my approval. But I didn't approve. The memories of my time as a child and seeing all those dead butterflies came racing back to me.


I foolishly got angry at the small children.


"These poor butterflies are beautiful and a gift from God when they are flying free. But now that you've captured them, they have died a terrible death in a box. Dead and lifeless they are not beautiful to anyone anymore. They are merely trash to be thrown away. Please, dear children, don't take these beautiful creatures and capture them. They are only beautful if they are flying free."


I learned that lesson as a small child. I was hoping that these small children would learn it too...


I was reminded again of that lesson again last night.


A beautiful girl, with dreams and visions all her own, marries... Then the husband takes her away and puts her in a cage where she suffocates.


In the cage she suffers, cannot breathe, begins to lose herself and is, of course, extremely unhappy.

The husband thinks he loves her and so he captures her and puts her away... He puts her into a cage where she languishes and eventually will become resentful and will whither and die...

Is that what the husband really wants? Does he think that this situation is really what's best for his happiness too?

When you stop to think about it, if he truly loved her, he'd make her happy and set her free. Everyone desperately desires freedom.

Why do so many men never grow out of their childhood phase?

True love between two people will come from a sympathy for each other and putting the other's feelings first... How could putting one in a cage possibly do anything but create a feeling of resentment and start tearing down the dream that was the intention at the start?

When my daughter was a small girl, she refused to come and sit with her grandfather. "Why won't she sit on my lap?" The grandfather complained to me!

I told him, "Because, when she wants to get up and go play, you won't allow her too. You hold her down so she can't leave. Let her come and go freely as she pleases and wishes to do and then, and only then, will she sit willingly on your lap." 

He followed my advice and she willingly began sitting on his lap again.

Men! Do not destroy that what you love! Do not strangle that which you want to grow. Do not destroy, hold, capture and cage!

Women! Life is short! The cage once closed is rarely opened again. If it does crack open, for even a bit, dash and make yourselves free while you can! For the chance to do so disappears as your youth and energy dissipates! Do not allow yourselves to be captured and caged! If you are caged, then set yourselves free! 

Men and women! Be free. You can be free and still share the love! Share the love every moment of everyday even when you are apart! Always understand and feel sympathy for each other. Life is short, we all have much suffering to go through. Let us not be the cause of more suffering for each other.

Life is bad enough without have those who supposedly love us being the source of our misery. Life is bad enough without those, who supposedly love us and want to care for us, putting us in a cage. 


Share. Respect. Set free! In this way, and this way only, can you build the one and only true love.


For Sheena, Julie, Wendy and Asami....

Idiots

Idiots. The world is full of them. I try not be identified as one as I try my best to keep my mouth shut (especially at business meetings and in mixed company) so I don't sound like one. 


I probably am a idiot, but at least if I shut up, it will be more difficult to determine by other folks.


As one astute reader chimed in with a quote:

"Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to open ones mouth and remove all doubt." - Unknown.

I wrote an article that appeared on Lew Rockwell yesterday. In that article I basically expressed my opinion that the government should leave people alone and let them live and let live. Of course the government won't do that, but I was just expressing my opinion.

See? Like an idiot would do.

Many people wrote into to agree with me. "Live and let live!" They said... Excepting in the few cases where they agreed with 100% of what I wrote then were inconsistent in their beliefs because they want government out of our lives but they were against gays marriage and legalized abortions.

One guy wrote to me, first quoting what I had written:

"Take abortion, for example. If some woman wants to get an abortion (I like to think no one wants to get an abortion, but some feel a need too) then what business is that of yours and mine? It's none of our business and none of he business of the central government either. An abortion is the business of that woman and her god and, hopefully, her husband or boyfriend."

He added:

Mr. Rogers, I will not waste time and effort trying to persuade you how utterly wrong this much of your essay is. I merely express my metaphysical certitude that, one day and some way, you will learn. And express my hope that the learning experience works out well for you.

What a pompous clown. May I hand out an idiot award? Thank you your royal highness!

I responded:

Thanks (for expressing wishes for my learning experience).

And, you, yours.

Mike

It's self-righteous people like this that make our world a screwed up place with their judgmental thinking. He hopes the "learning experience" works out well for me? 

Laughable. What about his learning experience or does he already know everything that needs to be known?

I'll give you a short example why people like this are wrong.

You can hear this sort of logic, often, when the discussions come to the topic of the existence of god. Some are sure there is a god, some are not; some are absolutely convinced that there is no god. 

I have my god, don't know if it's the same as yours (doubt it), and I wish to "worship" in the way I see fit. I hope you do too. (mine could be the big electrode in the sky - I wonder if God even speaks English?)

The line is crossed when people state vigorously, "There absolutely is (or isn't) a god!" Why does this cross the line for me? Well, consider the fact that man has been searching for god and the reason for his existence since the beginning of time. 

For thousands of years, since man first gazed at the stars, the great philosophers have pondered this question. Socrates, Plato, Confucius, Bob Dylan and many more. People who are much wiser than you or I and they never came up with the answer... .

Yet some guy, say, living in Des Moines, Iowa at the ripe old age of 46-years-old thinks he knows all the answers and understands everything there is to know about life? What the greatest minds mankind has ever known couldn't answer this guy thinks he knows?  

Ridiculous when you stop to think about it, right? Even more ridiculous that he is so self-righteous that it never occurs to him how idiotic such a notion is. Ha! Ha! Ha!

Yes. I laugh. But remember, I am an idiot. 

Well, I may be an idiot but at least I'm no fool.

Admit the Worst Thing You've Ever Done and Be Happy

Most people have done some pretty bad things in their lives. Most people wouldn't admit the bad things they've done. I think that most people wouldn't believe the terrible and sick and pathetic things others have done in their lives before - all the while not wanting to admit their own evil deeds... 


But those admissions make great reading. 


Unless, of course, you are like someones prudish grandmother. In that case, tales of hair raising schemes and being chased by the police will just cause shock and disgust. Stories like that, when told to prudish "church-lady-types," are kind of like when W.C. Fields asked the old bitties who complained about his behavior, 


"Do any of you ladies have any empty gin bottles?" 


To which the insulted women replied, "Do we look like we drink gin?"


And W.C. Fields retorted, "OK, then. Do you have any empty vinegar bottles?"

W. C. Fields: "Don't say you can't swear off drinking. 

I've done it a thousand times."

I've done some pretty bad things in my life that I am ashamed of telling anyone. But today, for some reason, I've decided to admit some stuff because I feel that things aren't going as well as they should so maybe I need to get this stuff off of my shoulders. Think of this article as a sort of catharsis for Mike Rogers today.


I've done at least several very stupid things so far in my life that I have only admitted to just a few people because they are embarrassing. They are so embarrassing and so dumb that I've been reluctant to admit them before. 


Not that I didn't want to. I do want to admit my wrongs.  Why? Because I don't think you can be truly happy unless you admit your wrongs and your shortcomings and then move forward. Don't Catholics and Christians think this way, too? Aren't we supposed to ask for forgiveness?


Aren't we supposed to love ourselves first?


Not admitting bad things you have done is having skeletons in the closet. Maybe I am anal retentive, but I don't want any skeletons.


That's why I write a blog. I've been writing a blog, or writing for another blog, for nearly 8 years now. That's a pretty long time as far as blogger lifetimes go, I reckon.


I like writing these blogs and these blogs posts because they allow me to spill my guts and cleanse my soul. It's sort of like confession sometimes and I get to admit some of the bad things I've done to people before in an attempt to clear my conscious and, perhaps, start from a clean slate.


I've posted to this blog and others about stupid things I did and some of the bad things that happened to me. You know, they say "What goes around comes around!" So, I figure that if I tell the truth and admit my wrongs and shortcomings then good things will come back to me. It's worth the risk, no?


So, don't think I'm being magnanimous in admitting my wrongs. It's actually selfish. If I admit my wrongs, then maybe so many bad things won't happen to me or my family and friends. 


Or are these thoughts that I have the thoughts of someone suffering from delusions of grandeur?


All of us have things we'd like to hide. Especially if we are looking for a job.


Have you ever had the police pointing guns at your head and yelling for you to get down on the ground? I have. More than once. The first time I was only 17-years-old. Have you ever been arrested? I have. More than once. But I have never been convicted of a crime and have no criminal record (so don't tell me that there's no God!) I was never a criminal, per se, never stole anything or shoplifted or robbed or beat anyone or anything like what goes on today.... I was a prankster... My calling card was hijinks and playing tricks on people.


Have you ever drank so much that you couldn't walk? I have. Far too many times to count. I used to like drinking myself nearly blind. If you don't believe me, ask my friends. I'd get so drunk I couldn't hardly stand up (and being so drunk once that I actually forgot my own then 5-year-old like a piece of discarded luggage when I got off the train and walked away).


How about getting divorced twice and married three times? Yeah. Been there, done that. 


In Japan, a very conservative and proper society, people who have these experiences will usually never admit them publicly. I used to host a very popular FM radio show and admitted these things freely. That garnered me lots of fans. I even admitted to going into drug rehabilitation on the radio before and that in a country that will lock you up for possessing even a minuscule amount of marijuana. That was a shocker. The program's ratings skyrocketed.


The ratings skyrocketed because I believe that people were ready to hear from someone who wasn't perfect and had all the same flaws they did (I don't have perfect pearly white teeth, slicked back hair and a pink cadillac either).


My 5 weeks in drug rehab happened in the late nineties. Thanks to that experience, and my wife saving my life, I've been off drugs with no desire to do that ever again... Though I will admit that, looking back, drug rehab was a lot of fun and I met some of the wildest people there. 


Please refer to Drug Rehab for George from Lew Rockwell:

Like the time I put myself into drug rehabilitation for speed addiction. The little voice was right about interning myself — I just about had no choice. But darned if that little guy didn't change his mind and start telling me to plan an escape within the first few days of being there; Which is it? Get high or stay straight, make up your mind, will you?

Everyone else who found themselves trapped in drug rehab seemed to be hearing voices too. One day a guy, I'll call him "George," (not his real name) came up to me while I was secretly planning on tunneling out of the hospital complex using a tea-spoon I had stolen from the cafeteria to dig through concrete floor — à la that World War II movie The Great Escape (The little voice was also playing the theme song from that movie in my head for special effect). George sat down next to me, looked around to see if anyone was spying on us and then he whispered, "Are you a foreigner?" Sheesh! Duh! This is Japan. Do I look like a foreigner? I answered, "Yes." He said, "I thought so." He looked around again and then he went on to explain to me how he spoke to God and that a scar — shaped like a star — on middle of his forehead proved that he was the Chosen One. Well, he did have weird star shaped scar on his head and it's not often that I get to meet the second coming of Christ so I listened in. He explained that they had him interned because he knew too much — and had too much power. I would find out later that they interned him because his mom put him in there. It seems that he would wake up in the mornings and pour Vodka straight onto his cornflakes and eat that for breakfast and then not go to school — Funny that. I guess he'd been doing this since he was in 5^th grade. When I met him in the hospital he was 18 or so.

Later on George explained to me that, even though they had never met, the heavy metal rock band Mettalica had written a song about him. I think the song title was Master of Puppets (makes sense). The song was something about George being the second — or would it be the third — I didn't bother to ask — coming of Christ. I told George that if he really were The Chosen One, then he could just wiggle his nose like Samantha in Bewitched (Even though I liked I Dream of Jeannie better) and get us out of there. But he couldn't do it. Damn! And I had my hopes up there for a minute, too. You know, usually I'm a pretty good judge of character, but George had me fooled. What a big liar. Oh well, back to the spoon escape plan, I thought.

Now, a lot of you folks reading this might think, "Why did Mike sit there and listen to this nutcase?" And I might have to agree. But let me defend myself by saying that I was in a hospital full of screw-balls, so George's conversation was just as interesting — if not more than — anyone else's. I had nowhere to go, so I'd listen intently on what George would have to say and usually wound up thinking the same thing over and over, "How in the world did I wind up in this hospital full of these crazy people? Get me out of here!"

That was over 14 years ago. I don't do drugs anymore. There's no way in the world I'm ever going back to play my part as Jack Nicholson in One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest again. By the way, at least the hospital in the Nicholson movie had background music playing all the time. Mine didn't, yet we still had two or three people dancing all day in the hallway all the time.

The other reason I don't do drugs anymore is that drugs make you forget what you were doing. It was quite a shock one-day when my then 12-year-old daughter walked up to me holding my speed pipe and said "Daddy? What's this?" "It's my, er, asthma medicine, Stay away from it." 

I know she didn't believe me.

But even though rehab-hospital was a living hell, I'm glad I went to that hospital. You know why? Well, at the time I hated it. But now, looking back, it was a great (and funny memory) — but never again. 

The other thing about it that I am thankful for is that I was put through a rigorous method to break my addiction at the most famous rehab hospital in all of Asia — Matsumoto Clinic. And I did it. The doctor told me leaving Matsumoto and never returning was as tough as getting into the world famous Tokyo University and graduating. He said that the chance of retuning to drug rehab was about 96% for first-timers. If they re-enter after the first time, the chances for a full recovery are 1 in 10,000. Three times in and out of drug rehab means that the patient will usually spend the rest of their lives going in and out of the hospital (usually in secret). So now you know where guys like Rush Limbaugh most probably go when they claim to be "on vacation."


....I never went back, even once.

I hope that the above passage doesn't shock dear reader too much. There's lots more about that place that I will write about someday. Also, someday I will work up the courage to write about events leading up to drug rehab that will really blow your mind...

Like the time I rode my motorcycle ala Hell's Angels through the double front glass doors at a big building in the middle of the night and revved the engine in the lobby as I sat upon the bike waking up the entire neighborhood.

But not today. I'm saving that one up for a movie script.

1/2 of my reason for living... I see that I need to 

take a photo with all 4 of my kids and us together too!

I'm not perfect, and neither are you. None of us are. That's why we need to ask for forgiveness from our god and from our loved ones. We've all done stupid things and made mistakes. We've all done things we regret and hurt people we loved... Every time I do this, I feel better about myself and more positive about me and my life.

Admitting these things, like an alcoholic admitting that they have a drinking problem, is the first step towards a cure. And that first step is the first step towards true happiness.

Pray or meditate for a moment on a past wrong. Give a friend or a loved one a hug or a phone call and say, "Remember the time?...." and ask forgiveness. 

Today is a wonderful day. Like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon, you can spread your wings and shed some weight from your shoulders but just being honest and open and saying "sorry" (if even just to yourself).    

It's an easy way to spread love, share the light and to sooth the mortal soul.

Married to US Citizen and Need Green Card? No Prob... Oh! You're Gay???!!!!!

Here's another slap at the United States and the nanny-state nonsense that goes on in that country. ....

Japanese in gay marriage struggles for green card

At first glance, their life together seems ideal. Rie and Dianne (who have asked that their real names not be used) have a home overlooking a lush garden in a small, caring community. But Rie is Japanese, and even though she and Dianne are legally married in their state, a federal law prohibits her from obtaining a spousal green card. And so their 10 years together have been overshadowed by a struggle to keep Rie in the country. "I've done everything I can. If it comes to the point of deportation, I guess I will just have to go. But to have to leave your family thinking you cannot come back is awful," said Rie. (Japan Times)


In the USA, people are constantly side-tracked from the real problems that the country faces by ridiculous side-shows that go on. I remember many years ago, when the non "issue" of gay marriage was going on in the States, one of my friends wrote to me and asked, "What do japanese people think of the big problem?"


"What big problem?" I answered.


He was astounded. He couldn't believe that the Japanese weren't as up in arms about gay rights as the busy-body Americans are. As if everyone in the world was riveted on the same absurdist nonsense the USA is. As if the entire world revolves around the USA. 


I read the internet news. Of course, I knew about the "problem" of gay marriages and the controversy in the USA. I knew about it. What did I think about it?


I thought, "God! I'm glad I moved away from that busybody nuthouse."


My friend continued with the questioning about what Japanese think of gays. I told him, "What two people decide to do in their own homes is no one else's business. That's what the Japanese think. It is a non-issue."


He was dumbfounded. 


I also added to him that the people in the USA would do much better for themselves if they emulated the Japanese and started minding their own business. I mean, what difference does it make to you or me if Bob and Tony want to get married? Who cares if it is Kenji and Taro? Or who cares if it is Susan and Jane? I hope they are happy. More power to them!


Will allowing gays to marry ruin the sanctity of marriage? Ha! In the USA, a country that has the highest divorce rate in the world, I think allowing gays to get married is the last thing that will ruin marriage.


In this day and age, with the economy tanking, wars all over the world, starvation, environmental problems and problems with energy and food safety, the last thing we need to do is give people a hard time in their search for happiness.


Why doesn't the government of the USA just leave these people alone? 

How to be a Good Husband

"Don't lose sight of the fact that, once a man is married, the only sensible thing for him to do is to make best of the circumstances" - Page 7 from How to be a Good Husband


I went to my friend's house yesterday. In the loo there was this most interesting book that I found. It was entitled, "How to be a Good Husband". It is the kind of book that you could read, in its entirety, in 30 minutes. While it is very small and a short read, I found it very interesting and well written. It's not often that you read a book and every sentence is a true gem!

The book was originally written in 1934. The Amazon product description reads:

Marriage can be a series of humorous miscommunication, a power struggle, or a diplomatic nightmare. Men and women have long struggled to figure each other out—and the misunderstandings can continue well after they’ve been joined in matrimony. But long before Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, couples turned to self-help booklets such as How to Be a Good Husband andHow to Be a Good Wife, two historic advice books that are now delightfully reproduced by the Bodleian Library.

            The books, originally published in the 1930s for middle-class British couples, are filled with witty and charming aphorisms on how wives and husbands should treat each other. Some advice is unquestionably outdated—“It is a wife’s duty to look her best. If you don’t tidy yourself up, don’t be surprised if your husband begins to compare you unfavorably with the typist at the office”—but many other pieces of advice are wholly applicable today. They include such insightful sayings as: “Don’t tell your wife terminological inexactitudes, which are, in plain English, lies. A woman has wonderful intuition for spotting even minor departures from the truth”; “After all is said and done, husbands are not terribly difficult to manage”; or “Don’t squeeze the tube of toothpaste from the top instead of from the bottom. This is one of the small things of life that always irritates a careful wife.”

            Entertaining and charmingly illustrated, How to Be a Good Husband and How to Be a Good Wife offer enduringly useful advice for all couples, from the newly engaged to those celebrating their golden anniversary.

The Amazon comments from buyers is also interesting. One read:

Originally published in 1936, this little handbook is incredibly datedly sexist, and pretty funny because of that. Lots of advice along the lines of "Even though you make all the money, you should still show her respect" and "don't forget that washing and cooking can be difficult too." Shows how times have changed.

"Don't neglect your wife's advice on manners pertaining to your own dress. As a rule, a woman knows better than a man what suits him..."

It may be sexist and it may be funny, but much of the advice is spot on and, I think, useful in this day and age where stability is a rarity and mutual respect is a fast disappearing act (not to mention skyrocketing divorce rates). While many young people may find this book unusable, I think it has very wise platitudes that many would do well to observe.

For example: 

"Do remember that there can only be true happiness where there is self-deial. The ideal union is where each strives to yield to the reasonable wishes of the other."  - Page 41 from How to be a Good Husband

How often are we advised today, especially in western society, that the road to happiness is self-sacrifice? Not very many places, I think. This sort of attitude, while it may be considered "dated" by many westerners, seems to still be common thought in many households in Japan - in spite of all Japan's warts.

Reading this book reminds me of a buddhist priest friend of mine who told me what a truly happy marriage was and how I had finally found one myself. He said, "You and your wife are the nearly perfect couple. The nearly perfect couple stays together for a long time not because of sex or what people today consider, "love." They stay together because they are sympathetic to each others mutual suffering. They feel a bond. This is a bond that allows them to self-sacrifice for the other. That is true happiness."

Sure, How to be a Good Husband is a tiny and short book that can be read all at lunchtime... But, where in the world can you find such good advice on how to treat your wife and family correctly, without a bunch of politically correct nonsense all within 92 short pages? Not many places, I think.

There's also a companion book called, How to Be a Good Wife. I haven't read it, but think  will. Not only will it be fun and funny, it most likely has tons of gems in it too!

- Thanks to Ken Nishikawa and Ayumi Maeno, probably the happiest married couple you could ever hope to meet. And why not? They have both How to be a Good Husband and How to Be a Good Wife books in the loo!